The Day I Finally Gave Up

I had hit the bottom. Literally. For weeks, I’d been struggling, trying to balance a myriad of responsibilities, financial problems, and a ton of various pressures (both perceived and real).

Most of the time, I was able to keep up-beat. But every once in a while, exhaustion over-whelmed me, and I would spiral downward into a pit of despair. To add to the mess, I was trying to cope with some ongoing health issues that only added worry and affected my sleep. Not good.

It all came crashing on my head, when I figured up my taxes. I didn’t even have that much in my bank account! Fortunately, I do have some cash saved back in hopes of buying a piano some day. But anyway, Good Friday evening, I had a splitting headache. I felt terrible. I was so desperate, I asked my mom to come to my room, and we had a really, really good talk. I was finally able to spill out all that I had been feeling for the past months. It was so good.

One of the things she encouraged me to do, was to make a mental list of all the things that were bothering me and dragging me down, and then just hand that list over to God.

So she hugged me good night and left me alone. I began writing everything down. Four pages later (I had no idea it would be that much!), I finished with: “All the other things I’m not remembering right now”. Holding out that notebook, I asked God to please take it and do what he wanted with it. It was at that moment that he gave me a vision.

I saw him take that note book and pull the string of words out of it. He then wrapped them around his heart and took my hand. In his other hand, I saw a whole string of tickets (you know the kind you get at a fair to be able to do different things). I was a little girl holding onto the hand of my big Father. We were walking into a fair and he told me, “I’ve got the tickets.”

In other words, he was showing me, that he truly cares and will take care me. He’s got the “tickets” for what he has planned in my life. He has taken all the things that were stressing me out, and has placed them next to his own heart. He has made them his own problems! He will make happen what he thinks should happen in my life. And protect me from what would harm me.

In that moment, for one of the first times in my life, I felt the Love of God in a true and real way. There was the overwhelming presence of a peace that I had formerly longed for. By the next morning, it was still there. It’s not that I won’t ever think about my struggles and problems; I definitely will. They’re still there. But I don’t have to fear them, I don’t have to worry, because I know that God is in control!


This all is a part of my last post that I shared on, Resisting the Devil. The fact is that I did submit a lot to God, but there were things that I didn’t even realize that I was hanging onto for dear life. Right now, I’m so thankful that my taxes were “way too high” – the Love of God, is priceless.


To sum this all up, I think it’s the most beautiful Easter lesson ever. Jesus loves me more than I can even imagine. That he would come and willingly be cursed, hated, and killed, so that all my junk would be forgiven and forgotten in the sight of God, is so incredible!

 I’m thankful that I’ve been having extreme writer’s block in writing Journey to Love. He had so much more to teach me first! It truly is, a Journey to Love!

May each of you, my dear readers have a blessed and Christ-filled Easter. May you learn to know God’s love and grace more fully. It is my prayer, that you will experience his powerful Peace too!

Many blessings,


5 thoughts on “The Day I Finally Gave Up

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